Dating Rules Written By Kids of Divorce
This morning we where talking about how divorce effects kids, and how sometimes it can be awkward for them when their parents start dating again. So below are datingrules written by kids of divorce:
If you’re interested in dating someone with kids, it’s important to take the children’s feelings into consideration. Here’s some dating advice from real kids whose parents are divorced. This comes from Match.com, and family life-coach Mark Hughes:
- First: “Don’t be a goober!” A 12-year-old named Mark defines “gooberosity” as acting goofy, showing off, and fake-laughing. Basically, trying so hard to be liked, you look like a doofus. Moira, who’s 17, says it’s more important to be respected by your date’s children than to be liked. After all, you’re dating their parent, not trying to become their friend.
- Another dating rule written by kids of divorce: “Don’t kiss and cuddle in front of me.” That advice is from 15-year-old Cameron, but all the kids who came up with these dating rules agreed. Kids find public displays of affection between a parent and their date embarrassing, inappropriate and kind of gross. Beth, who’s 18, suggests you treat your date more like a friend than a significant other around the kids.
- Also, remember that you’re NOT the parent. 17-year-old Zach says you should stay out of discussions involving curfews or clothing choices – even if the person you’re dating tries to include you. As the relationship develops, you may choose to be diplomatic and make suggestions, but don’t tell the kids what to do.
- Be respectful. 12-year-old Mike says you should treat him the way you want to be treated. In other words, listen when a kid speaks, don’t tease them, and offer encouragement and sincere praise, not false flattery. Mike says that when he feels a date is dissing him, he retaliates by being difficult.
- Give it time. 17-year-old Mary says thatkids really don’t want to see their parents with someone else, and the more you try to force them to like you, the more they’re going to resist. Instead, try the less-is-more approach. Gradually get to know the family and go out and do things together as a group. Bottom line: You can’t rush any relationship, and when it involves an entire family, you have to go even more slowly.
January 8th, 2009 at 12:15 pm
Wow, thanks for this great advice. As the director of the DivorceCare divorce recovery program at my church, i will happily share this information with our group. And as a person who dated with kids for 3 or 4 years before remarrying, I can really understand these kids’ advice, and agree with every word. Some of it I knew to follow instinctively, other parts I had to learn the hard way by hurting my kids with my mistakes and being forgiven by them. I tell everyone to see your time of singleness as a special time that is not to be rushed, or you will miss the benefits of it. Remember that in all things, you have nothing but time! Coming from a formerly very IMPATIENT person, i do know how hard this is to believe. love and blessings to all who struggle with single parenting issues. We pray for you every week. XOXO, Martha