The Morning Show with Mike & Susan

Want a great marriage? Here’s what the best ones have in common, according to Neil Clark Warren, psychologist and author of “The Triumphant Marriage”:

• First, strong couples focus on the positive — They have a list of their partner’s outstanding qualities on the tip of their tongue that’s longer than their list of complaints. So, if you’re having trouble, ask yourself a few questions, like: “What’s right about my marriage?” And “What made us fall in love in the first place?”
• Then, a little romance can heal a lot of hurts. So, act on those romantic impulses! Bring home their favorite candy bar, or call to say “I was just thinking about you.” Bottom line: Make time for romance — Don’t wait for it to make time for you.
• Another thing to consider: even in a great marriage, you’re never going to see eye to eye on everything. So, set up some ground rules for fighting: Be honest — No name-calling — No fighting or nagging in public — No walking out in the middle of a fight–No bringing up unrelated issues–And no holding grudges. When the fight is over, it’s over.
• And finally, listen to each other! Researchers found that communication predicts the success of a marriage better than any other factor. So, pick two 30-minute time slots a week to talk–No phone, no TV, no Internet in short, no interruptions. One of you should start by talking about something that really matters to you. Be brief but thorough–And your mate can’t respond until they repeat what you said, in their own words. Then it’s their turn. And just keeping going back and forth for half an hour. To recap, focus on the positive, play the romance card frequently, set up ground rules for fights, and really listen to each other. And you’ll have a stronger marriage in no time.