Sunday Night with Anne Badger

So much can happen in the course of a couple of weeks.

My husband is doing so much better.  There are still some side effects that are not going away but the bottom line is that the drug he was taking for his triglycerides was poisioning him.  We continue to pray for the levels to go down.

He’s back in a routine and working.  And I think he is a little more open to my crazy crusade of eating healthier. 

This experience was a big wake up call for me.  I have learned so much about being dependent.  I am dependent on my husband for so many things, but I need to realign my thoughts to recognize that God is truly in control.  It’s not that I didn’t believe that before, but I had a little taste of a kind of helplessness that I had not felt before; and that gave me a little different perspective.

I also realize I have so many sweet friends…many of whom I have never met, who have prayed for me and have kept me going. I count you as one of them, and I thank God for you.

As I write this from the hospital where my husband is, I have mixed emotions.  First off, he is not as bad as he was, which means he is getting better.  He is not jaundiced anymore, and now eating, and for that I am grateful.

But the levels in his liver and pancreas are still high and they have taken him off a medication that might be causing this.  Suffice it to say that I’ve done a whole lot of waiting and gotten very little answers.

I know there are so many people praying for us and that is something I never can thank ya’ll enough for!  We have felt those prayers and are so very blessed to have you as our friend.

I was sitting over by the elevators with my husband and I was humming something in my head as he talked with our children on the phone.  It didn’t dawn on me what it was until I came to the chorus.  Tears well up within me as I type it for you.

You have faced the mountains of desperation
You have climbed, you have fought,you have won
But this valley that lies coldly before you
Casts a shadow you cannot overcome

When answers aren’t enough, there is Jesus
He is more than just an answer to your prayer
And your heart will find a safe and peaceful refuge
When answers aren’t enough, He is there.

Instead of asking why did it happen
Think of where it can lead you from here
And as your pain is slowly easing, you can find a greater reason
To live your life triumphant through the tears.

When answers aren’t enough, there’s still Jesus
He is more than just an answer to your prayer
And your heart will find a safe and peaceful refuge
When answers aren’t enough, He is there.

When answers aren’t enough, He”s still there.

Sometimes we need that extra reminder…that even if we don’t have the answers, God does!  And maybe His ways are not like ours, but that’s okay….our job is to trust and have faith.  Even if there are not definitive answers, He is still on the throne.

I love ya’ll.

2 Corinthians 5:7  “For we walk by faith, not by sight.”

As I write this, I am faced with too many unknowns.

My husband is in the hospital and the doctors have run many tests but do not seem to know what is wrong. 

The area in question is on his right side.  His coloring is very yellow (jaundiced) and we suspect it has something to do with his liver or gallbladder.

I can handle most of the things thrown my way in life.  My husband and I have been through so many things together.  The death of family members, illnesses, birth of our two children.

Today was hard though.  As we waited for the test results, I helped my sweet, hurting man walk around the hospital floor.  When we stopped near the elevators there were some large windows with natural light coming through.  What I saw shocked me.  His eyes were yellow where the white was supposed to be.  I hadn’t seen that in the room.  It had been too dark.

Now, as I reflect on how I feel about the past 48 hours, I am fighting back tears.  I know beyond every shadow of doubt that God has every hair on our heads numbered, that He holds us in the palm of His hand.  But I am still emotional….

I fought back tears out by the windows…now, in the dark, I’m crying.

God reminds me with his loving words that I must “Be Still, and know that (He) is God.” He also continues to remind me that I must “walk by faith and not by sight.”

But it is so hard and I am having a moment of feeling that it is hard to trust when you can’t see ahead.

I am remembering this one time in college when I was driving back in a snowstorm at night.  I’m a Texas girl, and snow was never something I was used to.  But this particular drive, I was by myself, and I had no choice but to drive.  I drove afraid, but I learned something amazing.  I watched the side stripes to stay in my lane.  Somehow, it worked.  I made it home.

I would just like to know where the stripes are.  That is what I am praying for right now.  Lord, show me Your path.

I’m also reminded of this Jeremy Camp song, Walk By Faith

Would I believe you when you would say
Your hand will guide my every way
Will I receive the words You say
Every moment of every day

Well I will walk by faith
Even when I cannot see it
Well because this broken road
Prepares Your will for me

Help me to win my endless fears
You’ve been so faithful for all my years
With the one breath You make me
Your grace covers all I do

yeah, yeah , yeah, yeah, ya

Well I’m broken- but I still see Your face
Well You’ve spoken- pouring Your words of grace

Well hallelujah, hallelu
(I will walk by faith)
Well hallelujah, hallelu
(I will walk by faith)

I will walk, I will walk, I will walk by faith
I will, I will, I will walk by faith

As we continue on this unknown path, I will update you via Twitter and here on the blog.  Please continue to pray and know that I love ya’ll.