Every year, we carry quiet expectations into Christmas.

We think that joy will come easily, that we’ll feel love and happiness, and that maybe grief will take a break for a few weeks.

But sometimes instead of feeling light and festive, Christmas arrives carrying weight. The weight of the way things should have been, the weight of unwanted change, the weight of loneliness.

This week alone, I’ve been reminded how close loss can be. Two friends who are no longer here, gone far too young and far too soon. I have another dear friend who is facing her very first Christmas as a widow. Suddenly the season feels different, it’s quieter, heavier, and more fragile.

If that’s you this year…if Christmas feels tender or exhausting or sad, you’re not doing it wrong.

Grief Doesn’t Take a Vacation

There’s an unspoken pressure during Christmas to feel something specific. Gratitude. Cheer. Excitement. Hope that looks tidy and bright.

But grief doesn’t follow the calendar.

Grief shows up in empty chairs, it catches our hearts in familiar songs, and it surfaces when traditions don’t feel the same anymore.

That doesn’t mean you’re failing at Christmas – it just means you’re human.

Think about the first Christmas, it wasn’t exactly picture perfect. Mary and Joseph were a young couple far from home who found themselves in a borrowed place to sleep. Birthing a baby in a stable must have brought fear and discomfort. There were so many unknowns!

Oftentimes, the thing that frustrates us the most is the feeling of unrealized expectations - but I would guess that the arrival of the Messiah didn’t look like what anyone would have expected.

Jesus Meets Us in the Heavy Places

What I’m beginning to understand is that the heart of Christmas isn’t the feeling that suddenly everything is okay - it’s that God came near.

Jesus entered a world that was broken, grieving, and weary but He didn’t rush past the sorrow to get to the celebration. He stepped into it.

The book of Matthew reminds us “…they will call him Immanuel” which means God with us.

He is with us in the tears, with us in the missing, and with us in the ache of what used to be.

Hope Can Be Quiet

Hope is going to look different for each of us, depending on our circumstances. It might even be something that doesn’t look like much to anyone not in our shoes, but is meaningful to you in your situation.

A glimmer of hope can look like getting through just one gathering, crying without feeling the need to apologize, saying 'no' when you need rest, or whispering a prayer in a quiet moment.

If Christmas Feels Heavy…

You are not disappointing God. You are not lacking faith. You are not missing the meaning of the season.

You are living it.

You’re allowing God to be with you in the midst of all the hard, terrible stuff of life. Jesus is not waiting for you on the other side of your sadness, He is sitting with you in it.

That is the miracle of Christmas.

You Are Not the Only One

I think TobyMac, a man who has faced great loss in recent years, sums it up pretty well in this song:

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May you feel God with you even in the heavy moments (maybe especially in the heavy moments), this Christmas season.

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