Raising three boys just a year apart meant my life was filled with non-stop energy, laughter, and, of course, challenges. For years, I was the mom who was always there helping with homework, cheering from the sidelines, cooking endless meals, and offering guidance through every stage. But 12 years ago, life took a different turn when I moved from Chicago to Houston, leaving my boys behind at the ages of 18, 19, and 20.

Even though they were technically “grown,” they were still figuring out life, and I couldn’t shake the guilt of leaving them just as they were stepping into adulthood. Would they be okay without me nearby? Had I abandoned them in a crucial stage? Did I make the right decision?

The Evolution of Mom Guilt

I thought mom guilt would fade once my kids became adults, but instead, it took on a new shape. It wasn’t about missing bedtime routines or forgetting to pack a school lunch anymore. Instead, it became about:

Moving away when they were still so young and needing guidance.
Not being physically present for every milestone, big or small.
Wondering if our distance had created emotional distance between us.
Feeling guilty for enjoying my life in Houston while they built their lives back in Chicago.

No matter how old they get, that mom instinct to protect, support, and nurture never disappears. But over the years, I’ve learned that instead of letting guilt weigh me down, I need to surrender it to God and embrace the new season He has for both me and my sons.

Finding Peace Through Faith

When I wrestle with guilt, I remind myself that God’s plan is greater than my worries. I may have moved away, but He never left my boys. He has always been with them, guiding them, strengthening them, and watching over them in ways I never could.

Here are some biblical truths that have helped me release guilt and embrace peace:

1. Trust That God is in Control

As moms, we often feel like we need to be the glue that holds everything together. But the truth is, God has been holding our children long before we ever did.

Proverbs 3:5-6 reminds us:
"Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways submit to Him, and He will make your paths straight."

Even though I’m not physically near my sons, I trust that God is directing their steps.

2. Release the Past and Accept God’s Grace

I sometimes wonder if I should have stayed in Chicago longer, but I remind myself that guilt is not from God.

Romans 8:1 says, "Therefore, there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus."

God doesn’t want us to live in regret but in the freedom of His grace.

3. Stay Connected and Let Love Lead

Being apart doesn’t mean being disconnected. I’ve learned that I don’t have to be physically present to be emotionally and spiritually present in their lives. Whether it’s through calls, visits, prayers, or words of encouragement, love still travels any distance.

1 Corinthians 16:14 says, "Let all that you do be done in love."

4. Embrace God’s Plan for This New Season

It’s easy to believe that motherhood is our only identity, but God continues to shape us even after our children are grown.

Isaiah 43:19 says, "See, I am doing a new thing! Now it springs up; do you not perceive it?"

God still has a purpose for me in this chapter of life and embracing that doesn’t mean I love my boys any less.

3 Secret Weapons for Facing Your Fears

Final Thoughts: Guilt Doesn’t Have to Define This Season

Mom guilt may never fully go away, but it doesn’t have to steal the joy of watching my sons grow into the men God created them to be. Instead of focusing on the “what-ifs,” I choose to focus on gratitude—for the years I had with them at home, for the bond we still share, and for the faith that connects us no matter the miles between us. When they call me to just tell me about their day or to start their day...WOW what a treat that fills my heart with such joy!

So, to any mom struggling with guilt with their grown children, whether it's from moving away, parenting mistakes, or simply wishing you had done more—know this: You did your best. And more importantly, God is still working in their lives (and yours). Trust Him, love them, and embrace the blessings of this new season. Continue to pray for them (and their spouses if they are married), and remind them how much you love them in a text or even a funny meme!

Read "How to Enjoy the Messy Moments of Being a Mom"