No-one becomes a wife to later become the ex-wife. I know I didn’t, but today that’s my reality.

I’ve often wondered, so what makes a good ex-wife? Yes, I’ve thought this. If I’m honest—and I know with you I can be—I sometimes look back on my marriage with sadness. I think about the things I did and didn’t do, the words I said, and the ones I wish I could take back.

I can’t go back in time and change anything, but I can choose how I move forward. How do I be a good ex-wife?

I asked a guy friend who had been through a divorce, knowing I could trust his opinion. Without hesitation, he looked at me and said, “Move on.” I sighed. It sounded too simple. But maybe it really is.

Release the past. Let go of what was. Embrace what’s to come.

The Bible says it this way in Philippians 3:13–14:

"Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead, I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus.”

There’s also a verse in Romans 12:18 that says, “Do all that you can to live in peace with everyone.”

So for me, being a good ex-wife means moving forward, and when the opportunity arises choosing peace.

I recently came across the story of an extraordinary ex-wife, Amanda McCowen. Shortly after her divorce she met her ex-husband’s new girlfriend Angela Maples. In the midsts of navigating co-parenting, they both admit it was rough. The ladies couldn’t stand each other and could barely be in the same room.

After years of tension and seeing each other through life’s ups and downs, Angela—the new wife—started praying for Amanda.

When you pray for someone, it changes things. More importantly, it changes you. You can’t hate someone and pray for them at the same time.

About ten years and a whole lot of healing later, Amanda—the once-challenging ex-wife—found out she was the perfect match to donate the kidney that would save Angela’s life.

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Amanda said yes.

Today, the women are best friends, with an incredible bond and a story that could only be written by God.

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Thankfully, God hasn’t asked me to donate an organ to anyone, but at this point in my life, nothing surprises me. When you choose to follow God, nothing should. He’ll ask you to do things like pray for those who hurt you, choose peace when it doesn’t make sense, and give of yourself in service to others—yes, even your ex-husband’s new bride.

Thank you God for the reminder of the healing that’s possible when we keep our eyes on you. I know I needed it, and I hope it encourages you too.

With love,

Your friend,

The Ex-wife,

Reyna

Rachelle and Carder from the KSBJ Morning Show called Amanda McCowen to tell her how awesome she is. Listen here: