I think we are embarrassed by our pain. If I’m in a conversation with you, and you feel your pain, and you begin to cry, probably the first words out of your mouth are going to be, “I’m sorry.”
I always want to say, “Please don’t apologize. Instead, allow me to say — Thank you. Thank you for trusting me enough to cry in front of me.”
I was in the most painful season of my life. My marriage was coming apart and it seemed clear that there was nothing I could do to save it. And I was on tour with my friend Andy Gullahorn. We were hanging out in the back lounge and I opened up to him about all that was going on.
I remember I brace myself because I thought — Here it comes. He’s going to offer me advice because that will make him feel useful.
My friend, he didn’t do that. What he did instead became one of the most healing moments in my life.
He stood up. He said, “Alright, here’s what we’re going to do, Jason. I want you to stand up with me. I’m going to hug you and I’m going to hold you, and you have to let me for two minutes.”
I was like, “…Okay…” I felt awkward, but I stood up and Andy hugged me.
He was holding me and I was laughing. I was laughing until I started crying. Then I started ugly crying — all within two minutes.
I remember I just…I surrendered. I slumped there held up in the arms of my friend, who didn’t say a word, but what he was saying was so clear. He was saying, “You’re loved. You’re not alone. Everything’s going to be okay.” And if he’d used words, then I don’t think I would have heard him.
Grief helps us bleed out the toxicity of our pain before it poisons us. If we don’t grieve authentically, we’re not going to heal properly.
Feel your feelings and give it to God.